So you knocked her up: A child-rearing guide.

I have to admit. I rather enjoyed reading this. Any article that labels pregnancy an STD, and evidently gets away with it, needs to be applauded.

It’s not that I hate kids or pregnant women or moms or anything like that. Gosh, no. I just enjoyed reading it, and giggled quite a bit doing so, and wanted to share.

WARNING! Hormone-fuelled mommies-to-be, feminists and sensitive people – stop reading now!

So you knocked her up: A child-rearing guide.

Sexual intercourse, we can all agree, is delectable. It is a beautiful and elegant slice of class smothered between two heaving, sweaty college freshmen.

But there is a dark side to the horizontal jog: STDs. Chief among these is a disease known to cause a large, screaming discharge and require nearly two decades of financial support. The illness, known on the street as “pregnancy,” “bun in the oven,” or, in South America, “a flesh tamalé,” CAN be prevented, either through abstinence or an uninterrupted diet of alcohol and prescription medication. Still, nearly ninety percent of Americans will face this horrible affliction in their lifetimes.

Of course, having children isn’t all bad (sorry, we’re required to say that). But now that you’ve crapped out a post-placental want machine, here are some tips on minimizing the detrimental effects your new goblin will have on your heady, go-getter lifestyle.

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